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I can't take how soft I am around you anymore.
I present my heart at a level that is a gift to me,
and for all the psychology that been swalllowed into me, there are too many layers to dissect.
I (don't) know it's not me.
Those daggers your gaze lasers at me.
They slice me deftly.
A night of: laughter, joy and promise
my stomach churns of vomit.
This unconditional love that burns in the hearth always
is always for you, has always been for you, no one but you
And I can't take how soft I am around you anymore
I am always and decidedly, consciously naked around you
I pray to the day the physical found you.
Allowed you to: allow me to-
Love someone as the Most High
I see that in you, truly
I give you the power to unglue me
There are no walls to you
no barriers, frontiers, no-thing that can even nightmare on impeding the exchange
yet those looks leave me
feeling
like the perpetrating side of betrayal
I'm just getting to see this anger for the first time
which means to me
that the honeymoon is over, little sister.
This is where reality creeps into the seams and
ideals are lost in flashes
Experience is the only fair trade for innocense
So in a very real sense,
I'm going to try different.
this is not a lucky easy space where I am you in the alter verse,
you are the spark I cherished pedestalled
>for that exact reason<
And because I can't take how soft I am around you anymore
and pendulum swings can blaspheme anything (especially extremes)
It screams to me that:
We have work to do.
I will fight for you
I have to
I love you
(so much it engulfs me)
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fantasy that lives in my inner harbour
I dare not speak it
it slits me phobically
so I surround it with deepness.
I pray to the universe every time it shifts
that this event turn will never come to exist
simple temptation
and the resulting inebriation
I would burn it all down
just to fail again again again
and I then I would learn how to win
this lifetime it would take me
but promises broken, and the promise that makes me
and it stains my achilles
for only a glimmer
even though I've relinquished winter
I have not felt warm since.
please please please no.
(and let me linger with imagined yes)
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I am the son of transience.
Limping towards tomorrow, leaning on a caffiene crutch.
Another house, another flight, another impulse.
I am a celebrity of memories
I stay around long enough to get bored
Then tradewinds point towards foreign ports
I am so found in the lost.
Tired of ashing forests I seek a fireplace-
that I will never find.
I get what I need, remember?
What I want does not want me.
And even the wanting is daunting.
I want my cake and so buds the tongue.
I seduce, take, taste and I'm flung
into the orange of the next setting sun.
Opportunity has keys, so it knocks no longer
The catalytic arrow pointing to wander
How do I no, when I yes before I think
Chasing greatness with less
and nothing to show
yet the growth remains like circles under my eyes.
