Faith is the bridge over doubt.

fantasy that lives in my inner harbour
I dare not speak it
it slits me phobically
so I surround it with deepness.
I pray to the universe every time it shifts
that this event turn will never come to exist
simple temptation
and the resulting inebriation
I would burn it all down
just to fail again again again
and I then I would learn how to win
this lifetime it would take me
but promises broken, and the promise that makes me
and it stains my achilles
for only a glimmer
even though I've relinquished winter
I have not felt warm since.
please please please no.

(and let me linger with imagined yes)

I am the son of transience.
Limping towards tomorrow, leaning on a caffiene crutch.
Another house, another flight, another impulse.

I am a celebrity of memories
I stay around long enough to get bored
Then tradewinds point towards foreign ports

I am so found in the lost.
Tired of ashing forests I seek a fireplace-
that I will never find.

I get what I need, remember?
What I want does not want me.
And even the wanting is daunting.

I want my cake and so buds the tongue.
I seduce, take, taste and I'm flung
into the orange of the next setting sun.

Opportunity has keys, so it knocks no longer
The catalytic arrow pointing to wander
How do I no, when I yes before I think

Chasing greatness with less
and nothing to show
yet the growth remains like circles under my eyes.

The aura washes the watchers in a fight flight auto pilot (yes he's stylish)
Speaking metered over feet, fevered chasing that which was promised (against the reaper)

I am a fucking explosion, I'm not waiting to happen
I am in your house, jumping frenzied
on your kitchen table screaming the need for evolution.
frentic electric sycophantic lunatic schitzophrenic verse libre patterned genius beauty
(and your dinner is getting cold)

I've been too busy to let the militant lion loose
Fuck the rhetorical prose
I am a barbarian philosopher
humming Enya as I'm loading this glock with light,
over you sleeping soundly
and firing point blank into your chakra (and no my point is not hollow)

I am the shock of the alarm clock

I am self inflicted torment
So that when these sexy lips open nothing but results stream out
I love you too much to waste your time.

I sleep on a half inflated air mattress so that when I dream, I am half drowning on the river styx, only to wake up panicked and sore, with a sincere sense of pissed off urgency.

It fuels my days like uranium temper tantrums

I will not idly sit by and watch glory
be consumed greedily
metabolized slowly
and left to shit.

I will strap myself with 24 revolutions of whatever the fuck you want to call this...
and turn this bitch into a parking lot.
If only to spread the nutrients
and put nature back into the driver's seat.

I am a poltergeist haunting you, for if you do not glow indigo
you
can't
see me. (or this) --> . <--

Wring your hands as fate rings with plans and the rings melt from fingers as lethargy fans the flames.

Say my name by saying nothing.

I am as devoted as batman to the joker's type of lunacy.

My swagger is derived, purified by my inpunity.

Since I was unleashed my looks have lit wicks.

I'll sit back whence in the casket
Right now I have events to horizon and time and space to shift silent.
Welcome to the horror show.
Where the world we know dies
and it reborn in our perspectives.
(Masha'Allah)

It takes a moment to be born, and a whole lifetime to die.

When there is nothing left to burn
Turn the match upon yourself
Run into the dark
The light bright as wealth
In the poverty of darkness
The lack of the black
The slap and the crack
The whistle and the rain drops
Could not stop, that which is preordained
Maintain the combustion
Flame as a function
Explode as only you know how.
All is allowed when the tongues speak in heat
Reduce the truth to ashes
Find the purity in peace.

I stare at my closet...

Am I dated by the dark circles around my eyes?
Does the struggle for balance, struggle for balance?
All work and no...well this work is all I know
It is all I have
No warm spoon to fork my path
no umbrella, no shelter, no recourse
I am committed says my left ring finger
The spin of the storm remain familiar.
Monday to oneday, the push incessant.
The future the aim, while the pain remains, present.
This muscular structure has dug its nails in,
and stretched me way-too-thin.
But within, is a lesson.
I am the reluctant striker, learning to hone the touch.
The roar of the din, meets the fire within, and reminds of the climb-
to this pitch.
Heritage demands this in explicit tones.
Beautiful eyes staring me down with questions.
For as my knowledge grows alongside perception,
so too, does the weight of sacrifice.
So continual
So ebb and flow
So I let it go
My compass, that so many unshed tears have nourished,
Tenders demands specific,
So that only goals,
Flourish

Looks just like the sun.
Is the devotional song I sing under sighs.
The weight is great, sometimes I am victimized
tirefaced under the drive of the enterprise.
What I do is important to you too. It has to be.
For I cannot do this for just me.
I belong to the world that reared me.
The society that broke, then healed me.
I never forget that it was me, that sealed me.
Promised quality then bet the farm.
It is only love behind the charm.
That is what the roots cling to.
I love you.
Not because I want to, because I have to.
It is the hope that holds me.
Because right now, with my head down and heavy.....tomorrow, feels so far away.

Remember waiting for the bus on the east hill,

Remember the staircase on walkley,

alone, head in hands, pensive as the stolen cigarette smoke.

Never forget the broken hearts.

Never ever forget the broken hearts.

Women who saw in you something brighter.

Women who let you into that which that which they hold so precious.

That which they exist to give.

Remember how it felt to tell them no.

To tell them you weren't there with them.

That in the moment they needed you most, exposed as only three words can,

what it took to tell them the truth.

To visit upon them, no matter how well intentioned,

honourably mentioned, conscious and sentient, the actions and conventions,

how beautiful and wonderous and whole they made you

the worst pain imagined,

from their greatest joy,

is your

distance.

Remember how that feels.

To realize what that means,

when it is much too late.

To be gifted with hope in the rain from those who were there,

those who saw it in my eyes.

remember the decision

remember the shine that made you understand the tradition

remember the one moment she gave you

remember what it is to want to give another person:

everything

Remember the look in thier eyes when they just weren't there with you

remember how the warmth that inflamed you

exploded to horror and fell forever

Remember that everyday.

Remember the pilgrimage

The fear and freedom

Remember the message

For now, that is all you have

The only promise ever made to the Most High

The only thing that matters

the first and last priority.

enjoy the daily gifts

enjoy the faith that bridges over darkwatered doubt

The one thing that can never be forgotten

the only certainty

the only pure and perfect

Remember that this life is a service

it does not belong to you

you belong to your purpose.

Remember to never give up

loving, learning, leading, listening, lighting, loving

Remember that always

in the hardship is hardness

that you are gifted trials because you are loved

and that which you believe in

believes in you

Remember that you asked

And you will get what you deserve.

It is the subtle hand holds I miss most,
Pulling you close, closing my eyes and melting into
Deep purple and blue was the ambiance
Between us
Chemistry factored mathmatically
Our simple symmetry was ATCG
Here in this week, alone as empty calenders
tucked into dusty basement boxes
that are lost in forgotten.
Lonliness was ninja like-hiding in shadowed porticos
Until finally snaking into my perceptions peephole
My stomach is a tulmut of noxious bubbling tar
I feel akin to the space between stars.
Blackness through nothingness, subsisting as contrast
For now I turn blind eyes towards the no-more brilliance
I feel the plight of plastic white, bags,
hanging in the rain, until the next forgetful dog owner
moves to stoop out of duty and shame.
I feel heroin sick, writhing in lack, self victimized,
Ambitious addict, broken and wracked, tears blur burnt eyes
Self medicated, damn this westernized enterprise
Surrounded by all this affluence, so I have to internalize
A selfish shellfish adhered to slime on sea rocks
Bebe la la in a land as large as my thoughts
My choices were the dance steps that invited this greyness
Raining out the parade, wash until fade
Until all the labels are made nameless
I pushed away, when asked to stay-
So I asked away, "WHY?!"
To the universe that designed this
Fate spake nothing, and left me to my selfishness

....and lonliness.

Fate slips her prickly fingertips
Clawed in sharpness
Between my ribs
and gives
That tender muscle
What worth and what for
It's touched cold air
And it is sore
I implore
The why, the cause
To this effect
Screaming replied with neglect
To the air, cloud grey and wet
I'm past upset
I'm collapsed under breath
A quick scan of the breadth
A feeble hand
Lonliness
Business carded, starved and sharded
Why does it feel so, real so,
heal no, deal blows in steel toes
Glow emotional
The shock has not dropped
The verge was not earned
Not a matter of learn or earn
Yearn, burn or turn
I am murdered while the crows witness
Silent and knowing
Black and rightcheous
Cinematic and glorious
Wet t-shirts and
Procrastination
Suffocation
Elation
Emolation
Too easy for comfort
I robot
I know not
I'm lost, dehydrated and
tossed my giving of a fuck
I've rescinded my position of victim
This had to happen
I indulged with reckless abandon
Deeper than I can fathom
Creeper with the phantoms
Back pocketed
Lacking and obvious
We his ourselves from each
other
So when the skyfire searched for guitared circles,
they remained covered.
Burnt rubbers and a past lover you become
Defunct conundrum
Alas, a path,
recently turned from.
Feeling dumb I seek speech and trip over its limits.
This reserved heart a gimmick?
Reserved for whom, the search meanders
As thought panders with this rural slander.
For what use is truth, if the loops
remain loose?
It is the nature of the snooze.
The chords, words and drums that slip ninjalike into the dream state.

{Liquid courage break}

From it all, that forms it all
Spit the fire that softens the steel.
Who cares what's real?
What is real?
Burn it down
Start again
Lessons are cred
Champions are bred
And these moments get fed to the past.

Silent as a tree, rooted to the ground
I am here, waiting for a sound
Sharp wind, and cold rain come down
Silent as a tree, rooted to the ground

What a sad gravestone I must make
Top of the cliff with the weather beaten face
Lifeless ghost, fade away while you wait
What a sad gravestone I must make

Nothing grows here on scorched earth
Hold a vigil to whom I loved first
Stay planted, alone in cursed dirt
Nothing grows, here on scorched earth

Each day eden feels a little more lost
Every cheap night comes to tender its cost
Tropical garden, given to the frost
Everyday eden, feels a little more lost

Alone in the dark with this childish heart
Flatline long time, begging the restart
A masterpiece hidden, suffer for the art
Alone in the dark with this childish heart

For, between there and this, is an infinite abyss
Two inches away is where I sit
So enthralled, seduced by "what if?"
Between there and this, is an infinite abyss

Your voice is faded, warmth long removed
A stubborn hostage, get hurt if I move
This is fools' will, something to prove
My voice faded, warmth long removed


One thousand rooms, filled with patience

I learnt that once, it is my statement

This hilltop is a hospital basement

One thousand rooms, filled with patients.

I know you my friend/ I see the pain in your eyes
The truth can't lie/ Can't hide the inside
Forced to marry sadness/ Take it as your bride
I watched helplessly/ As two worlds collide
From the damage wrought/ As a man I cried
Frustrated as half of you/ Went to sea with the tide
Frustrated at what I can't do/ Both hands tied
Cause when you know the answer/ You can't ask why
The pain remains the same/ As the whole game changed
It coats reality/ and burns like flames
See it through a cat scan/ A hurricane in your brain
Lightening exciting/ your tear ducts to rain
Look on your face/ like a lion got tamed
But then I look deeper/ and I know you're not the same
Cause when you carry a heavy load/ You get a stronger frame
And to lie down like a dog/ would be a fuckin wasteful shame
You took the loss like boss/ Cause life don't stop
Still ready to spit it/ when the beat drops
Leave it all in thirty seconds/ when you see the cops
When a stone is rolling/ It gathers no moss
Call it joss or karma/ maybe cause and effect
Feel your spirit strengthened/ Feel the divine connect
And know his lessons manifest/ Underneath every breath
No one lives forever/ Some point we gotta leave
Can't suppress it either/ Some point we gotta breathe
Attachment is natural/ Take your time and grieve
Cause if you want the blood to clot/ Gotta let it bleed
His power was always yours/ Trust we all believe
He showed us by example/ and we floss it on our sleeve
So it's on you now/ play the cut or take the lead
Cause for life is for life/ 360 degrees.

The street lights crush me
with their hushed anonymity -
This city is shallow
It's marrow is the hollow vacuole space
Cars' headlights trace
the EKG of this bleeding, bored, dull hum.
Sirens pollute the soundscape
You know~
Those standing in line books that chatter incessantly:
Airport newsstand fodder where the characters are the stock-
And that soupy drivel is way too thin.
You have my attention
Go on...
.....and on and on and on and on.....
These cars are ants saying uncle to the queen
It screams at you. Her green eyed glance bores a hole through your pocket.
Exposing your...
private parts.
Turning you into a whore,
who is so all about the game,
that you turn to whores.
Your pimp has you convinced that she has a monopoly on necessity.
She is food, shelter, and clothing.
Every portrait passed is a silent agreement-
your stocks shot into their tracks.
Their higher wages are a shot in the arm,
at least to your economy.

Industry does not stop.

Excess does not balance.

Concrete does not breathe.

Death does not wait.

***Disclaimer***
I wrote this poem whilst in the grip of a bad mood. I decided what better way to explore the emotion than in a public forum such as this one. So as you know me to be quite a jovial fellow, by now, this little bit of darkness has passed like the clouds, and in doing so revealed the sun. This poem is about no one in perticular, I just projected my feeling onto an imagined situation and let slip the words of war. Such is this dual universe, where pain is a counter balance to joy. And if I was fearful of indulging such temporal states, then I would not be an artist, nor true to myself. And if I claim to be both, my actions must reflect that. The proof is in the pudding, enjoy my bitching :)

It is hard to dance when the shoe is on the other foot
And then the other shoe drops with such subtle and fierce embarassment.
It has become a rare event, when gifts are heaven sent,
That actions partaken with passion, become a black event.
For I am not the adman shilling you McGolden dreams,
Winking and gunning for some make believe scene.
I have broken skin on these fingertips only so that there is cream,
Having thinned out the impurities and soley presenting gleam.
A diamond is only a stone, it is in the sparkle that the value stuns.
Quizzically pissed, as this is spit upon, coquettishly smiling, baiting me to run.
And that is something long learned from. I am (not) that young.
The bell that knells tells me of the real rung
Reminds of the ladder of sacrifice it comes from.
Shall I lose face in this chase?
Up to my waist in the waste?
Sour the taste of embrace?
Or do I turn, yet again, to the bridge I call faith?


Choose your adventure:
(poet offers the nomenclature)

Go left:

Go, you are left,
Maybe not home but certainly not here
A fijian river god could not be more crystal clear
Forever severed, scapel surgeon, slice is deft
These hands are washed clean
This collar is popped fresh
Contemporary as art
Either a masterpiece or a mess
Would not be the omega point
Of the process of wrong guess
It is my perogative to embibe my ima{gin}e
Rolling dice is living life
And you cannot always win
So in this uninhibited, once uninhabited, emotional spin
I give creedance to the sequence,
Once forbidden,
And deliver the most tactical, tactful, fuck you of my career
Cause it's all in the game,
Here's some mocha brown bitter, cheers.
Like a fanciful hat on a backbraided bouffant, there is a lot on my mind, (by design)
And let my naked wrist speak, I do not have the time.
To indulge underdeveloped placations, past frustrations, or scary live in skeletons
So let's skip the-let's be friends-wasn't it better then-three am-telephonic reminiscent session-and...
breathe, grieve and move on
I behest on my breast that yes I tried my best
And like a life abandoned planet it was taken for granted
So use this fork to cut a new path
The bomb, the blast, the aftermath
The death, destruction, and news broadcasts
Are now sentenced to solitary confinement
To ponder crimes and punishment

Go right:

Rain, rain go away, it will go all right
Bask again in the birthright of fresh sunlight
There is one thing alone that claims perfection
Love is the wound and love is the weapon
Too much dissection on a slight never sighted
Heartfelt contraventions stop heartless intentions
Ask for trust and none is given
Hypocricy is an outhouse that liars live in
And the truth is the mortar that steadies the building
That shields the elements from where the heart is living
One finger pointed towards, and returned in triplicate
Do not shatter the tower with a moment of lividness
This is a gifted experience,
An opportunity, no, race for backspace,
It is a cry for understanding.
There is an imbalance and the third eye is scanning
One weed in a garden is no reason to napalm
Nuture the nature and reach out to the palm fronds
Overcome with love, do not desecrate with hate
Patience is penance, and the wait comes with weight
And swallowed pride is not the most hallowed of tastes
Use the marvel off the blossom to aspire and inspire
And the light of truth will dispel parasite pain,
As the sun to vampires.
This is a test of faith, and if the test wasn't great
would the grade not slope
and the hope suffocate ?
The struggle alone is proof
Put it to good use
Remember that leaves turn colours
Whilst what remains are the roots.

She sits alone at a corner table
As the harbour floats into and out of view
Her eyes flit from page to page enraptured
She is captured as she ponders upon that which matters
To her, that is this life, that is her truth
This perticular lesson is Sartre
She smirks as something resounds
The church bells chime noon
And then into the pristine white noise they drown
Beans are ground and she gives pause
The aroma takes over and such is her cause
A simple pleasure, oh how she indulges her sensory
Nostrils filled she exhales contentedly
Allowing the connection to enable the drift
Unlocking the memories she keeps as a gift
(Whilst letting the warmth of the cup charm her fingertips)
It is the look that adorns her face
An expression forlorn though worn with grace
It is enough to make a heart break
Until she smiles at the bittersweetness
Observing her observer with feminine obliqueness
It is as if she marvels at the beauty of her own sadness
Cherishing a moment so rare
She closes the book and loosens her hair with care
Her fingers as delicate as the motion
She uses to get up from the chair
Offering the softest thing
In the form of a thank you and a smile
To the rooms elemental eloquence
And to the cafe itself, for serving her experience
She floats out into the daytime
As if she was raised/rays-ed by sunshine
A fragrant summer breeze wraps the dress
And caresses her lithe curves
As old men share dirty words true to thier caricatures
Humming a melody like a reverie
She allows herself to get lost
Finds herself staring off the edge of one of the many docks
Her gaze meanders the maze of diamonds hidden on crests of waves
Almost past the pure ocean
And into another day
The muscle in her chest skips a preprogrammed beat
She is thrilled by it, as with all things unique
It leaves her with a sense of wonder
At the glimpse of Destiny's dream
She whispers under her breath
"I wonder what this means?"

&^&^&^&&^&&^&^&^&^&^&^&&^&^&^&^&^^^&^&^&^&^&^&^^^&^&
^&^&^&^^&^&^^&^&^^&&&&&^^&^&^&^&^&^&^^^&&&^^^^&^&^&^&

He is zombified in the light cast from the laptop
Fingers keep tight time to a caffienated clock
Another report, reportedly nonstop
Of statistics and ratios
And yawns with teardrops
A luxurious stretch ressurrects him from his post
A glance at the door
then the longboard
then thoughts of the coast
The night air is the priest to whom his burdened mind confesses
His body becomes physics as the hill depresses
Feeling most alive with death at arms length
Four wheels succumb to the Pacific's magnetic field strength
Committed and leaning low, taking the corner, worse or for better
The road ends in twilight reflected on darkness forever
Willingly seduced, trading soft sand for speed
The ocean air combs his hair and reminds him to breathe
He is standing under the stars, a dulled silhouette of insignificance
Praying to the ocean and it's imposing magnificance
Riding the tide with his eyes
Almost past the opaque vast
Feels his heart kick but miss the high hat
Holding hands with Fate in that subtle surreal scene
He whispers under his breath
"I wonder what this means?"

Twenty four is a block party around the corner.
I don't know who will be attending, but I know love has an open invitation.
As the bass grows louder, to the point where I can feel it on the inside, I mirror myself. Check yourself, lest you wreck yourself. And in this technicolour hodgepodge of memory, is the attempt. I re-don the glasses that my seven year old self once saw the world through and hold an interview.

7:Wow, you're me, this is pretty cool.

23:Tell me about it, nice hair, when is the last time you cut it?

7: Wow, can I touch you?

23: *hug*

7: So am I supposed to ask you a bunch of questions or something?

23: Yeah, I would like that a lot. As you can see, a lot has happened over the years. Right now you're just learning about the difference between right and wrong. And the answers you come up with, will, one day, make you me.

7: This is sooooo cool, how many pushups can you do?

23: Don't worry about it little man, around 21 we're going to understand the importance of keeping fit. Right now, we go to the gym on the regular and we go longboarding for huge missions. But to answer the original question, it's been awhile, so let's say 100 easy.

7: What is longboarding?

23: Ohhh yea, last winter we moved out to BC, cause in time, believe you will come to absolutely hate the snow and cold. So you're going to meet some really illin people out there and they're going to teach us how to longboard, which is kinda like a really long skateboard.

7: Like Michealangelo?

23: Exactly

7: Wow!!! We get tattoos?!

23: For sure, right now we have 4. This one means Team Moores/Trackmongers for life. In high school we meet some of our best friends, brothers really, and this tattoo is to celebrate that, see the lady here, watch this. *flexes and she does the love wiggle*

7: Niiiiiiice!

23: Also we have a some japanese on our back, the kanjis mean: royalty, destiny and wisdom. And you will one day submit your life to God and that's what this one on my wrist is for. It means Om, that God is everything and everywhere, kind of a reminder. And across our back we have a bible quote, Romans 8:31, "If God be for us, who can be against us." And this one that says MR on your shoulder stands for "Mind Right," it is in memory of one of the greatest lessons you will ever learn.

7: And what lesson is that?

23: Let's just say it's about the relationship between our head and our heart.

7: That's cool. So what kind of a job do you have? I don't really know what I want to be.

23: Don't worry about that, we don't get that one until we have the epiphany in Fiji. First you have to understand there is a difference between a job and a career. We've had so many jobs but right now we are in college, studying business and marketing, cause I know what I'm going to do with the rest of our life with crystal clear certainty.

7: And what is that?

23: We're going to help convince the world to save itself.

7: What like Batman?

23: Hahahaha! Not really, we're just going to get to a place where a lot of people listen to us, and our message is about love. And my little one, you will learn in time that, no one, from Hitler to the Joker, can say 'no' to love.

7: And how are we going to do that?

23: Well, do you remember how much you like to write poems, hang out with your friends, and build lego?

7: I love lego!!!

23: Don't worry, even today, we still have a box in the closet, just in case. But we still do those things only today we do it in a bigger way. We still write poems, hangout with our friends, and instead of lego we build what is called a network. Right now, we are working to make our message of love and friends with thier own message of love, come together and make things for everyone to enjoy. Like songs and writing and art.

7: Do we make songs?

23: Of course, lil homie, let me put it to you this way:
Everyday I wake up/with love on my lips
Kiss my hands/ now it's on my fingertips
Then I go across this land/ shaking everybody's hand
The smiles understand/ and we are a part of God's Plan

7: Awesome! Did you just think of that now?

23: Yeah, eventually you'll learn to make poems up quickly in your head and say them in a musical way. It's called freestyling. You're going to love it like Deep and Delicious cake. Which also brings me to your true love.

7: Whoaaa! Ewww...girls.

23: Haha, that opinion will change in a big way. But it's not a person, it's music. Especially something called hiphop.

7: What's hiphop?

23: Wow...let's just say it's a type of music, that when you hear it in grade seven, you're going to fall head over heels for it. You're going to wear it like a second skin. It's music about love, struggle and success. It will be in front of every thought you have. Believe me it runs the blood, Nick, your cousin Kam and a lot of your friends will be involved with it too.

7:That's cool. Hmmm...so you're all grown up and stuff. Do we have a wife and kids and stuff like that?

23: Are you crazy? We're not that old yet. You'll get to a point where life becomes all about the challenge of doing new and interesting things. Especially travelling. You're going to see a lot of different places and meet a lot of really good hearted people. But to get back to your original question, I actually just started considering that, cause eventually I do want a family and to settle down, but right now, life is just too good. There are a lot of lessons out there, and before I decide on a decision that big, I have a few more things to learn. But there is a saying that will guide you called "Insha'Allah" which means that you are in God's hands. And believe that God knows how to run the universe better then we ever will. So when we meet the right girl, everything will happen the way it is supposed to.

7: You keep talking about God and have those tattoos, what's up with that?

23: Now we get into it. You're going to find yourself in Saskatchewan, yeah I know, you won't be there long, and that very question is going to change your life. If I remember correctly, right now you're kind of feeling like life is kind of pointless, that nothing really matters and especially with everything happening with Mom, that life sucks, right?

7: Well...yeah....kinda, I mean, nothing but bad stuff happens all the time. No matter what I do, I can't help it. It makes me sad and makes me feel that if this is what life is like, then why should I live. It feels like there is a big hole inside me.

23: *hug*
23: I know, little G, I know better than anyone. What is happening to you is called suffering. You think about things and nothing adds up. Why do bad things happen to good people? Believe me it's all part of life. And I know that this is not going to help, but here's a heads up. In the next few years it is only going to get worse. A lot worse. And then things are going to look up, then everything will fall apart and you're going to hit what is called "Rock Bottom." You'll even get to a point where you're seriously going to think about killing yourself. You're going to feel pain in a lot of different ways and from a lot of different places. Then you'll get to a point where you get fed up and let a kind of ice build up around your heart, to the point where life is grey and cold and you don't let anybody inside. But help will come in the form of a very special girl and your close friends and they will show you flashes of love, and give you a bit of hope. It isn't until you give your life to the Most High that you will understand what love is about. But even that comes with a price, trust me you will learn about sacrifice, and then life will take a crazy turn and with so much love that sometimes crying is the only way to get it out, you'll be excited for every moment. So much so, that even bad things will begin to feel like gifts. That hole that you feel right now will become an ocean, and then even when it rains, you'll still feel the sun. I promise, things may look grim right now, but hold on and keep fighting and I promise, everything will be more than alright.

7: I know you're me and everything, but I don't really believe you. Life is hard and I feel lonely sometimes.

23: I know little G, I know. And although it may seem like nothing, it is all a question of faith. You have yet to learn the law of equivalent trade. That in karma, which is cause and effect, like good makes more good and bad makes more bad, you have to give something of equal value to get something else of the same value. And right now you're paying the price of suffering to learn about how great love is. And it sucks, I know, but put it this way, how could you enjoy playing outside in the summer, if you didn't have to play inside all winter? The universe we live in is a strange and funny place, and I know that right now you can't see it, but it is built with love, every molecule, every little bit. What you feel right now, at the root of it is fear. You are afraid of the unknown, of something that doesn't exist yet. But once you understand that the world is made of love, you'll look forward to tommorow while enjoying today. Cause love is the only thing that when you give it, you get more back. And when you get that, you can get anything.

7: Anything?

23: Anything and everything you need you already have. To live, all we need is food, shelter and clothing. You have everything you need. What you want, now that is where things get sticky. But when you put your heart into something and truly work for it, when it is a labour of love, then not only will you get what you want, but you'll get it in a way that is better times a million. Believe me, this life has been amazing. We have kissed some of the prettiest girls in the world, seen the tops of mountains and swam in both oceans. Actually, where we live right now, you can walk to the beach. And there is no winter at all. And there is only more goodness to come. It's about working hard and loving the work, then you get what you need. Sometimes it is exactly what you want, sometimes it's something completely different, but you always, always get what you need. Masha'Allah.

7: Masha'Allah?

23: It means "Thanks be to God," you'll come to understand that all you are is an instrument in God's hands. That everything you do, say or are, is because God wants it that way. You are like a tuba in God's band. God will play the notes he wants to the right rhythm and you will make the sound. And it is up to you to keep that tuba sounding and looking good. Cause that is your purpose for being here, to make music in the way that God wants the song to sound. And then you get together with your friends, guitar and clarinet, and if they know and care about the sound they make, then all of you together make the most glorious music. It's pretty much the best thing in life. Just be careful not to forget that everyone, even bad or stinky people, are instruments just like you and that you are all the same. Just some people are more aware of what they are doing than others. And also, you'll be able to feel when the notes that come out of you are coming out true. Every once and awhile we all need a good tuning.

7: I think I get it now, but how do I know if I'm a tuba or a guitar or a clarinet?

23: Great question! *high five*
23: Well, I don't think you ever get to know what instrument you are. What is really important is how the music comes out. Cause you'll find yourself in new situations everyday. Sometimes your going to be singing at the front of the band with all the attention on you, other times you have to be the drummer behind the band keeping everyone on time. We can never really know the whole song either, cause the sound alone would make our heads pop with all the joy in it. It's really a matter of making the best sound you can from the best instrument you can be. Also you never get to see the sheet music of the song, it is like one perfect giant jam, where everyone just vibes with everyone else. How much fun would a birthday party be if everyone was told what to do? It's when people show up and get together that the magic happens. As long as no one trashes the place, or acts like a doofus, then everyone has a good time and everyone gets a slice of the cake.

7: I get you, I love cake too.

23: That will never change little one.

7: So I have to think about what you said, cause even though I don't understand a lot of it, it somehow feels right inside.

23: Yeah, about that, here is where the tragedy kicks in. This is all a dream, you're going to wake up and go back to your life. Cause I am a product of you. You are the roots that eventually break the soil, and I am the leaves that feast on the warm sunlight. But know that I take you with me everyday. And that we have lived a great life and it is only going to get better as we learn better ways to enjoy it. And the right now I'm going to tell you one of the best things I've ever come to realize in my whole life, something that is worth more to me than the all the stars in the sky and all the tea in China.

7: Mom always says that.

23: Yeah that will annoy you to the point where you want to pull your hair out, you grow up and take on the most annoying parts of your parents.

7: So what is the most important thing you wanted to tell me?

23: I love you.

Young Amanda sits in a pink paisley painted palace
A princess of suburbia crying tears of innocence, staining the thirty second spot
Claiming a thirty second spot in a mind designed to fit in,
The rhythm of confused, commiserate, consume, commune, submission

American idolator

Those golden calves subtly revealed, yet just enough, that in one flash, they become the front for the cosmopolitain bible called people.
Measure up to the manufactured cool.
The oasis that faces us is the embrace lost to the dull flashing blue hue.
Beta waves remove the days truth and tazes youth.
The prattle creates cattle and slaughters them for thier use.
Yet a lexus without leather is a bird with no feathers.
Excess only perpetuates.
So degenerate, degradate, desecrate and dissimilate.
Pervert the search for self into addictive material cereal.
Make it into habitual ritual indivisable from the visceral.
Better I like me in Mikey's Nikes.
Take the ho stroll in sequined logos.
Bow to Mylie's violence.









but who created who?

We sit opposite, what a delightful fit, I admit it:
In the grip I am
You delight and ensnare, from that wicker chair, where martinis meet pears,
you spill your plans
Subltle seductive language, the surroundings vanish, a view from the vantage
to new fertile lands
Travel unravels, your heartbeat a gavel, there is no battle when
safe in God's hands.
Saucy recollections, joyful confessions, enlightened directions
Fragrantly float across
Choices made, stay unafraid, remain uncaged with a
lust to get lost
So absorbed in the flow, swim win and grow, a yearning to know
where the lonely guides stop
Striving for the heights, accept no compromise, tender sacrifice as
life is good till the last drop

8 hour lay over !to adventure!

Parisienne cobblestone catwalking goddess
Blessed are your steps taken like a promise
To explore the twists as the world turns
As experience spices a dinner you've earned
I need to hear more soliloquy
Speak it to me
Winter blue eyes reflect upon those old sights
Random locations with exotic nights,
neon lights, pulsing bright as
you take me with you
Stories sexy as tattoos intricately placed
then laughter patters with a rainful grace
you feel the joy as if you borrow the smile off my face
when boxes become bags then you seek out the gate
the boeing's wings cannot compare to your own
airborne, alone and only a calling card home
laughing off craned necks sitting correct at the nexus
others date destiny as you drop lines like tetris
submission has no condition the meridian bends
lifetime tendered so well you get paid to spend


(for A.T.-you so inspirational)

You came to me between the seams
Of swollen eyelids, horizon peaks, and fantastic scenes
Boarded the submarine of consciousness
And slipped, as I did, beneath the surface
That superficial visceral did fray when day was surrendered
And the b-side of mind's eye played unhindered as nickels were tendered
The jukebox began its duty as forbidden rhythms indulged my hidden sin
And within - We kissed
For there is no patience for inhibition, reasoning or waiting
for time to meet place correctly, it's urgency, and life is fading
And within - We kissed
I relinquish that it felt so natural, bubble wrapping you in these arms
I surmise that this castle in the sky is not without its charm
Knowing you how I do, showing you me unglued
In the left hemisphere I tasted fruit on your lips
And within - We kissed
Friends were there and expressively the delta state unwound
Until you dissapeared from view, but not from the grounds
I knew you had gone to bed, and a reckoning was beckoning
And I admit the weight of it was deafening
Calling as I was standing with a choice to motivate feet
A secret to the other stars as mercury met heat
But familiar to me as family, as its roots reach to waking
While I stood moment taking, placating and debating
Alone, I was, weighing with both hands
But the oracle was an instrument as she explained to the man:
"You cannot see past decisions you do not understand"
So the phone rang and I returned to the incense burn
Thoughts of coffee and bagels for which I yearn
So I ponder aloud about this made-believe bliss
About the passion, the fortune, the action and the risk
Facing you in my memory
And within- We kissed

I miss you
There is no sugar footed hobbit of ambiguity with the Riddler's staff prancing around a bush.
I know what I feel.
It is the intersection where the accident happened.
That moment where lonliness swerved, narrowly missed frustration, and collided with a busful of affection.
Through my shocked fingers I peer at the wreckage. Lead legs and a mind on fire claims the man in the mirror shard.
For in a growing archive of instants, all that I want is in you. And you are not here.
You are not the now that the victim is silently screaming for.
You are the mindscape the paramedics are imploring the victim to visit. A reason to hold on. A reason to keep fighting.

(Maybe the prose knows?)

Wilted widows' fingers linger on the cool glass, as the rain patter dances
The dust not content to inhabit the shelf back, but seeps into the longing glances
It felt that night, like frostbite.
The malicious mosquitos that present a pain, utterly intimate, and hence, totally alone
Pacing tracks in the monotonous wintersleep for a home better known
The throne of the warmth source lines the backpack straps
Do not, can not, will not collapse
In it's absence it is the only thing present
Business suited surety surrounded by clownish irreverance
These dry eyes itch as the chest wound bleeds
I never got what I asked for
Only fulfilled needs.
I miss you

Here I am.
I take this step to gleam an understanding on this ever intimate omnipotent existance.
With advice from a blessed mentor, I endeavour to letter something clever.
Partake in the bounty of lessons my blessings have impressed in me.
They are footsteps on the yellow brick road fate has laid gracefully.
And with words as the currency, currently, I submit to your eyes faithfully.

Let's go...

Flight 881 from Toronto completed it's labour at YOW with such grace, that the plane patrons clapped. The descent was a whisper upon a kiss. A red-eyed haze was terminal, as I continued my path towards reunification. My mother and brother awaited me at the lobby and then it began. Such a unique feeling embodies this National Capital for me. To set the scene correctly, allow me to pull the rubber band back, as if only to bring the proper weight to the propulsion. I have been enjoying quite a liquid existance as of late (term pregnancy for that matter :p). I left Ottawa in November 07 for BC. I submitted myself to the Hands of the All Create. For it is when one is away from thier comfort zone, that life gains a new intimacy. I find myself most creative when life gains a hand to mouth type nowness, and food always tastes better off your fingers. And so I floated: from a brother in Vancouver, discovering a blessed city in the process; to Victoria and a home I was already enamoured with; to Prince George, a salty release from my glorious labour; and then, the return to this Zero Point called O-dub. Without robbing you of all my coffee time conversation, it has been quite a tantalizing and enlightening experience. So in returning our gaze to the present moment, I find myself back to the future. These love lenses that envelop my eyes are tuned to the Now. To moments where my life is very turtlesquely tied to my back and decisions have a very short term reach. But herein lies my juxtaposition.

How does one live in the now, when every street has ten memories layered on top of it?

This is the fount that flows my 'reverse culture shock.'
It is balls.

But in recognizing that a new piece of chaos has been added to the environment (is the environment), the system that is me, must grow to encompass it. And as I do the internal spelunk for answers, the song remains the same. It is the people. Wait let us not forget the reason for the plane ticket. It is my people. These are not only fellow indigo children seeking thier way to a better tommorow, these are my family members. My teammates in this glowing struggle. They have bled in the same battles, sweat in the same circles, and speak the very language of my heartbeat. This is the privelege. My priority here is to fill up my love bars and keep a clear connection for the time when I venture back into the darkness of my own ignorance. Although Ottawa is a very bland cityscape, it is an edenesque overabundance of old growth love. I am a part the garden here. I know where the carrots are. And in only two days on the street, I am only beginning to see how this cornucopia has grown (consciousness included). And {tangent time :)} if I am to ask entry into such obviously blessed circles, I am owe it to the Most High to contribute in the best way possible. So with that being said, I make this promise:

I am an Indigo Child of Divine ancestry.
I am Johnathan Leon Question Public III esq.
I am a communication savant.
I will use these tools I have sharpened to present my love to others in a barefoot and consequential fashion.
Acting is better then thinking.
When I spit it will be tasmanian devil sleepless in Las Vegas surrounded by hookers, blow and neon flashing sirens on fire good.
I will submit every action to the scrutiny of my own ideals, ethics and love. Thereby submitting them to the Most High.
I will recognize the value of the present moment and indulge within fully.
I will be the gift to everyone I meet that they are to me.
I am

God Bless