Remember waiting for the bus on the east hill,

Remember the staircase on walkley,

alone, head in hands, pensive as the stolen cigarette smoke.

Never forget the broken hearts.

Never ever forget the broken hearts.

Women who saw in you something brighter.

Women who let you into that which that which they hold so precious.

That which they exist to give.

Remember how it felt to tell them no.

To tell them you weren't there with them.

That in the moment they needed you most, exposed as only three words can,

what it took to tell them the truth.

To visit upon them, no matter how well intentioned,

honourably mentioned, conscious and sentient, the actions and conventions,

how beautiful and wonderous and whole they made you

the worst pain imagined,

from their greatest joy,

is your

distance.

Remember how that feels.

To realize what that means,

when it is much too late.

To be gifted with hope in the rain from those who were there,

those who saw it in my eyes.

remember the decision

remember the shine that made you understand the tradition

remember the one moment she gave you

remember what it is to want to give another person:

everything

Remember the look in thier eyes when they just weren't there with you

remember how the warmth that inflamed you

exploded to horror and fell forever

Remember that everyday.

Remember the pilgrimage

The fear and freedom

Remember the message

For now, that is all you have

The only promise ever made to the Most High

The only thing that matters

the first and last priority.

enjoy the daily gifts

enjoy the faith that bridges over darkwatered doubt

The one thing that can never be forgotten

the only certainty

the only pure and perfect

Remember that this life is a service

it does not belong to you

you belong to your purpose.

Remember to never give up

loving, learning, leading, listening, lighting, loving

Remember that always

in the hardship is hardness

that you are gifted trials because you are loved

and that which you believe in

believes in you

Remember that you asked

And you will get what you deserve.

It is the subtle hand holds I miss most,
Pulling you close, closing my eyes and melting into
Deep purple and blue was the ambiance
Between us
Chemistry factored mathmatically
Our simple symmetry was ATCG
Here in this week, alone as empty calenders
tucked into dusty basement boxes
that are lost in forgotten.
Lonliness was ninja like-hiding in shadowed porticos
Until finally snaking into my perceptions peephole
My stomach is a tulmut of noxious bubbling tar
I feel akin to the space between stars.
Blackness through nothingness, subsisting as contrast
For now I turn blind eyes towards the no-more brilliance
I feel the plight of plastic white, bags,
hanging in the rain, until the next forgetful dog owner
moves to stoop out of duty and shame.
I feel heroin sick, writhing in lack, self victimized,
Ambitious addict, broken and wracked, tears blur burnt eyes
Self medicated, damn this westernized enterprise
Surrounded by all this affluence, so I have to internalize
A selfish shellfish adhered to slime on sea rocks
Bebe la la in a land as large as my thoughts
My choices were the dance steps that invited this greyness
Raining out the parade, wash until fade
Until all the labels are made nameless
I pushed away, when asked to stay-
So I asked away, "WHY?!"
To the universe that designed this
Fate spake nothing, and left me to my selfishness

....and lonliness.

Fate slips her prickly fingertips
Clawed in sharpness
Between my ribs
and gives
That tender muscle
What worth and what for
It's touched cold air
And it is sore
I implore
The why, the cause
To this effect
Screaming replied with neglect
To the air, cloud grey and wet
I'm past upset
I'm collapsed under breath
A quick scan of the breadth
A feeble hand
Lonliness
Business carded, starved and sharded
Why does it feel so, real so,
heal no, deal blows in steel toes
Glow emotional
The shock has not dropped
The verge was not earned
Not a matter of learn or earn
Yearn, burn or turn
I am murdered while the crows witness
Silent and knowing
Black and rightcheous
Cinematic and glorious
Wet t-shirts and
Procrastination
Suffocation
Elation
Emolation
Too easy for comfort
I robot
I know not
I'm lost, dehydrated and
tossed my giving of a fuck
I've rescinded my position of victim
This had to happen
I indulged with reckless abandon
Deeper than I can fathom
Creeper with the phantoms
Back pocketed
Lacking and obvious
We his ourselves from each
other
So when the skyfire searched for guitared circles,
they remained covered.
Burnt rubbers and a past lover you become
Defunct conundrum
Alas, a path,
recently turned from.
Feeling dumb I seek speech and trip over its limits.
This reserved heart a gimmick?
Reserved for whom, the search meanders
As thought panders with this rural slander.
For what use is truth, if the loops
remain loose?
It is the nature of the snooze.
The chords, words and drums that slip ninjalike into the dream state.

{Liquid courage break}

From it all, that forms it all
Spit the fire that softens the steel.
Who cares what's real?
What is real?
Burn it down
Start again
Lessons are cred
Champions are bred
And these moments get fed to the past.

Silent as a tree, rooted to the ground
I am here, waiting for a sound
Sharp wind, and cold rain come down
Silent as a tree, rooted to the ground

What a sad gravestone I must make
Top of the cliff with the weather beaten face
Lifeless ghost, fade away while you wait
What a sad gravestone I must make

Nothing grows here on scorched earth
Hold a vigil to whom I loved first
Stay planted, alone in cursed dirt
Nothing grows, here on scorched earth

Each day eden feels a little more lost
Every cheap night comes to tender its cost
Tropical garden, given to the frost
Everyday eden, feels a little more lost

Alone in the dark with this childish heart
Flatline long time, begging the restart
A masterpiece hidden, suffer for the art
Alone in the dark with this childish heart

For, between there and this, is an infinite abyss
Two inches away is where I sit
So enthralled, seduced by "what if?"
Between there and this, is an infinite abyss

Your voice is faded, warmth long removed
A stubborn hostage, get hurt if I move
This is fools' will, something to prove
My voice faded, warmth long removed


One thousand rooms, filled with patience

I learnt that once, it is my statement

This hilltop is a hospital basement

One thousand rooms, filled with patients.